


Why I don’t write to you

by MsMxyzptlk



Category: Jahar Tsarnaev
Genre: F/M, Love Letters, Poetry, Sad, Sexuality
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 19:33:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 403
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1359271
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MsMxyzptlk/pseuds/MsMxyzptlk
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have not written a letter to Jahar, and I don't think I ever will. Here's why.</p>
    </blockquote>





	Why I don’t write to you

**Author's Note:**

> I have not written a letter to Jahar, and I don't think I ever will. Here's why.

If I were to write to you, this is what I’d say:  
I would say I want to hold your hand and take you everywhere in the world.

I would take you to the golden lights of Paris and kiss you in the shadow of the Eiffel Tower.  
I would take you down a steep cobblestone road framed with pastel buildings.  
I would take you to a singular café and sit near the biggest window with you, sharing creamy lattes with foam hearts on top.  
I would take you to the county fair and ride the biggest Ferris wheel with you, snuggling against you as we get to the peak of the wheel.  
I would take you to the beach and roast marshmallows over an open flame so we can put them in Nutella s’mores.  
I would take you to the drive-in theater and watch the movie on the roof of the car, sharing homemade popcorn from a portable bowl.  
I would take you home and make you a dinner of juicy, savory chicken and rice, and serve it on a candlelit table with a bottle of wine.  
...  
At the end of the day, I would take you to bed.  
A bed softened with fluffy flannel sheets and a goosedown comforter, framed with dainty fairy lights.  
Then, once we are in bed...I’ll let you take me.  
Wherever you want to go.  
I’ll let you enter any of my doors.  
I’ll let you squeeze me until you feel my bones.  
Swallow my flesh with your mouth.  
Thrust as hard as you need to  
Until your juices flow.

And then,  
I’d give you a tall glass of cold water,  
Wipe the sweat off your face and chest with a tender cloth,  
Let you fall back on the bed  
And cover you up  
With a goodnight kiss.

If I wrote to you, I couldn’t help but write this truth.  
I know that it would sting you like a sharp blade.  
It would put dreams into your mind and body that can’t come true.  
It would just add one more weight to all the others you’re carrying now.

I wish so much that I could tell you that everything is going to be okay.  
But I know that nothing is going to be okay for you ever again.

I love you too much to hurt you, Jahar.  
So I will never write this for your eyes.


End file.
